Tuesday, September 17, 2013

I Can Run

I want to run! I sometimes get this overwhelming urge to just take off at a super fast run, run as hard and fast as I can. But I don't...I was always very athletic but never a runner. As I got bigger the mental block I had about running got bigger and bigger as my weight got bigger and bigger. In the past I would jog and get so out of breath or self conscious that I would mental just shut down. "Oh I can't do I need to stop" 10 steps later I was done. Feeling really shitty and lazy. This has gone on longer then I can even remember.

I don't know why today was any different. I went out for a walk because I was really pissed I couldn't find my bike helmet to start riding my bike again. So I went for a walk so I didn't tear the house apart looking for it.

I walked a bit then decided what the heck lets try some sprints no one is around. So I did a few lite jogging sprints. I loved it. So every time no one could see I would just take off at a dead run like a kid who was going out to recess. Then when someone came around I would stop. Soon I realized that I was beet red and huffing and puffing. These people must be thinking "Wow that girl is so out of shape she can't even walk up these hills!" Well me being a crazy person I just couldn't have that. So instead of hiding my running from people, when I came in view of them I just took off and ran as fast I could.

You know what I found out? I can run a helluva lot further and faster then I could have ever imagined. It was awesome!

I ended up doing 3.2 miles. 

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Ask for help

I need help...I don't understand why these words are so hard for me to say. In almost every aspect of my life I have a hard time asking for help. When my son was born and I was recovering from a horrible infection and surgery I had a hard time asking for help. When I was in school again I had a hard time asking for help. When I needed help with finances I didn't ask for help. Right now, I need help with my weight loss and I still didn't ask for help.

I am not sure what it is about me that makes me this way. I will try a million different ways to do something before I ask for help. I am not sure if it was something that goes back to when I was younger or not. I guess that will always be a mystery.

Most people don't know this and it takes a LOT to admit this. But I am a failure when it comes to the one goal I have been working on for so long. Losing Weight.

I am everyone's biggest cheerleader and support system. I've seen many of my friends and weight loss buddies lose weight and reach their goals, but not me. I have the knowledge I need to do it. I know exactly what it takes. But for some reason when it comes to actually going through with it I just can't do it.

Finally I have decided to reach out and ask for help. My sister is dating someone who is getting a Masters degree in basically what amounts to just what I need.  So I finally just put it all out there and asked for help. What I have been doing, what I want to have happen all of it. I am hoping this is just the motivation that I need to get to my goal.

When I was young I was so very active. It was nothing for me to spend a few hours at basketball practice and then go and ride my bike for 6 miles ( up hills). I miss that person and want to be the adult version of her again. I don't want to live my life always sitting in the parking lot while everyone else goes and hikes up a crazy steep hill, or say no thanks because I am worried I might be to heavy to do a particular activity.