Tuesday, September 17, 2013

I Can Run

I want to run! I sometimes get this overwhelming urge to just take off at a super fast run, run as hard and fast as I can. But I don't...I was always very athletic but never a runner. As I got bigger the mental block I had about running got bigger and bigger as my weight got bigger and bigger. In the past I would jog and get so out of breath or self conscious that I would mental just shut down. "Oh I can't do I need to stop" 10 steps later I was done. Feeling really shitty and lazy. This has gone on longer then I can even remember.

I don't know why today was any different. I went out for a walk because I was really pissed I couldn't find my bike helmet to start riding my bike again. So I went for a walk so I didn't tear the house apart looking for it.

I walked a bit then decided what the heck lets try some sprints no one is around. So I did a few lite jogging sprints. I loved it. So every time no one could see I would just take off at a dead run like a kid who was going out to recess. Then when someone came around I would stop. Soon I realized that I was beet red and huffing and puffing. These people must be thinking "Wow that girl is so out of shape she can't even walk up these hills!" Well me being a crazy person I just couldn't have that. So instead of hiding my running from people, when I came in view of them I just took off and ran as fast I could.

You know what I found out? I can run a helluva lot further and faster then I could have ever imagined. It was awesome!

I ended up doing 3.2 miles. 

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Ask for help

I need help...I don't understand why these words are so hard for me to say. In almost every aspect of my life I have a hard time asking for help. When my son was born and I was recovering from a horrible infection and surgery I had a hard time asking for help. When I was in school again I had a hard time asking for help. When I needed help with finances I didn't ask for help. Right now, I need help with my weight loss and I still didn't ask for help.

I am not sure what it is about me that makes me this way. I will try a million different ways to do something before I ask for help. I am not sure if it was something that goes back to when I was younger or not. I guess that will always be a mystery.

Most people don't know this and it takes a LOT to admit this. But I am a failure when it comes to the one goal I have been working on for so long. Losing Weight.

I am everyone's biggest cheerleader and support system. I've seen many of my friends and weight loss buddies lose weight and reach their goals, but not me. I have the knowledge I need to do it. I know exactly what it takes. But for some reason when it comes to actually going through with it I just can't do it.

Finally I have decided to reach out and ask for help. My sister is dating someone who is getting a Masters degree in basically what amounts to just what I need.  So I finally just put it all out there and asked for help. What I have been doing, what I want to have happen all of it. I am hoping this is just the motivation that I need to get to my goal.

When I was young I was so very active. It was nothing for me to spend a few hours at basketball practice and then go and ride my bike for 6 miles ( up hills). I miss that person and want to be the adult version of her again. I don't want to live my life always sitting in the parking lot while everyone else goes and hikes up a crazy steep hill, or say no thanks because I am worried I might be to heavy to do a particular activity.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Always Selling

I am SICK to death of friends, family even strangers trying to sell me stuff. At first I was naive to it all. I was at a party and a guy starts talking to me about the weight he lost. I am of course interested because I am trying to lose weight. Stupid me thinks that maybe he is going to give me advice or something. WRONG! We talk for a few minutes and then comes the sales pitch. He wants me to buy products from him and sell them..Um NO I think pyramid schemes are ridiculous and I don't understand WHY people are still doing them. So this type of thing has been happening a LOT lately.
My husband and I get stopped by a I admit this one caught me off guard. She was a nice older lady who stopped us to talk to us about our baby(which happens often). So she asks what we do and we tell her, we have our own business. She says well that is great, I help small business people market themselves. Woah! NO way okay! Well she wants to meet us, so we meet up and BAM, trying to get us to sign up for Amway.

The most recent ones have to do with Beach Body coaches. I have nothing against you. I have friends who are coaches. But seriously stop pouncing on EVERY person trying to get healthy. I help manage a Facebook Group of about 3000 people we are a group that supports women in eating clean and working out. Or how ever you need support. We don't sell anything, we don't promote any one workout. It is literally 100% free no strings attached. We actually try to keep the spam and soliciting out of the group. The women are there to motivate themselves and each other and not be hounded or pressured into buying things so we don't allow any sales or anything. But I swear our group name must be in the BB hand book because they are coming to the group in mass amounts. Some of them are completely respectful of the group although who knows they are probably messaging members behind our back. But they don't post sales stuff in the group, which is what we ask. Then their are others that say PM for information on how you can lose weight like I did. Or they will post something similar and get unsuspecting women to fall for it. They then pitch them on Shakeology and all the workouts. Oh join my challenge group and then the people end up buying product because they see the results. Someone will ask what is a good workout and they start saying BB ones and then let me sell you one or PM. Our members are getting really upset by this and so are we.

I have even fallen victim to the BB coach talk. It was when I first joined the group and we were talking about our work. Someone says I am an Online Fitness Coach..Awesome! That sounds just like what I want to do. So I say Oh how do you do it? BAM I am suddenly being asked all these questions and buy a product! It was insane. I happens more then I like.

Like I said I don't hate you BB coaches but there has to be another way. So that it doesn't seem like you are sharks in the water waiting to pounce on the first person who mentions they did a situp.

My long time friend messaged me today on Facebook. Haven't talk to the guy in AGES but I know what he wants. He wants to get me to buy some stuff from him. He wanted to talk today! I made up a reason I couldn't and I won't talk to him again. I am just so sick of being sold stuff!!!

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

What Message Are We Sending?

I have been on this "get healthy" journey for many years. Why many years you ask well because even thought I know exactly what I need to be doing..I am not very good at following through. I am working on that thought. I had a lot of emotional issues that I needed to work through and I think I am doing a good job with all of those. I am finding a healthy balance between food and activity. I know some people have to be all or nothing and I don't want that to be me.

Today I saw something that got me thinking. Now in the beginning it didn't seem terrible to me, and to be honestly it doesn't still it just seems a bit sad I think. First let me just say I am 100% for being healthy, knowing your limits and also if you want to drink your meals go for it.

So here is what I saw we were out eating as a family which we do one time a week. I watched a couple my age come in and they had two small daughter. The father and daughters all got food to eat. The mom only had a glass of water and her green smoothie. Which we all know are healthy and not bad for you but that isn't what I am getting at. At first I was like Wow it takes real self control to be here and not eat.

Then I got to thinking more about what kind of message she was sending her young daughters. She was telling that them the food she was letting them have wasn't good and that she wasn't eating it. This I feel like will lead to them being cautious of food very early on which isn't bad, food education is a great idea. But when you are sitting there drinking your meal while they eat. I just got visions of the things we use to do in high school when we "dieted" we would only drink liquids, skip meals it set us up for a whole mess of problems later on. I remember watching my mom diet when I was a kid and she was eating healthy food and doing it in healthy ways but it STILL made me overly aware of size, weight and all of that at a very young age. I had body image issues when I was in second grade and just so you know my mom has NO idea. No idea that seeing her worry about her body so much caused that. So I was thinking about what these girls might think about their mom only drinking her dinner. Not that what she was drinking was bad but she could have easily ordered something healthy and clean to eat at the restaurant.

I guess the point of this whole writing is; do we really know the message we are sending to our kids? We are trying to be healthy but maybe we read a label and say Oh this has to many calories and suddenly you have a 8 year old refusing to eat cereal because it has to many calories( true story a girl refused her cereal because it had 110 calories). These kids aren't old enough to understand it like we do as adults. What they see is 100 and think that is a lot, or they see mom not eating and think it must be best not to eat. And no matter how much we think we are hiding these things we aren't.

Again so I don't get hate notes I don't think there is anything wrong with having shakes, or counting calories.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Workout ADD

I love to workout. I love the feeling I get when I am sweating my butt off and I love the feeling I get after a workout. I feel accomplished, I feel slightly tired and I just feel so good. I have more workout dvd's then one person should really have. But still I find that I get bored easily. I have found my new best friend when it comes to workouts. YouTube!! There are so many workout on there that you just put in what you feel like doing and there is likely a workout for it. It is completely awesome for someone like me!!

Lets talk about food a little bit. Tonight I made the BEST dinner ever. We have these salmon fillets and they tasted kinda gross when I was just steaming them. So tonight I was just trying to get ride of them. I mixed tomato sauce and paste with some clams and made a sauce. Seasoned it with garlic and chipotle pepper. Then I topped my salmon with it and YUM!! I keep experimenting with food to find healthy versions of things that just taste amazing. My snack tonight was peanut butter with cocoa it was similar to candy so that is a win for me.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Late Night Workout

I get my workout in when ever I can. Sometimes it is in the morning, sometimes the afternoon and occasionally it is very late at night. I wasn't going to workout because it was late and I wanted to sit on my butt and watch Tv. But I decided that if I want to reach my goals then I can't just sit there and hope a magic genie comes along and grants me 3 wishes.

It was Day 2 of Supreme 90 which means Ultimate Ball. I love that workout. It makes me feel so strong. I wish I had more to say right now but it is late and I need to get to bed.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013


When I was a teenager for a brief moment I had a lot of self-confidence. I was thin, pretty and got along great with everyone. I really honestly wish I could pin-point the moment that all changed. Well maybe it was when I was talking to a guy online I weighed probably 150 and I was 5'6 he told me I looked fat. Maybe that was it..I honestly don't know when it could have happened. But I can tell you that after it did I started taking notice of comments like you are fat, or you need to lose weight, or are you eating that. Recently I started talking to my sister about my weight problems and she said well it is no wonder you use to cook eggs and toast in the middle of the night...I had no memory of that. None at all! I do know that binge eating especially at night was a problem for me for a very long time.

But slowly I started to lack self confidence. I would not wear shorts my legs were to white, to lumpy, to short, to fat whatever reason I had I would sit in the heat of summer wearing pants. Then in adulthood I discovered capri's which became a staple in my closet for years. I only started wearing shorts when I was pregnant because lets be honest what kind of jerk will make fun of a pregnant lady. I think it comes down to the fact that I don't want to be made fun of.

I am always looking at my fat rolls, my fat stomach. I hate my stomach..I have always looked pregnant even when I wasn't. I have a very muscular frame so I pack on weight but I can carry it well. Most people would be shocked to know my actual weight because I carry it well.

So I need to work on my self confidence. My husband doesn't understand why I had this self hate for all these years. I don't either. But I do know that I am starting to find things about me that I love. I love my eyes. I love my skin, my nose. I will work on loving the rest of me, slowly. But I will get there.

Today I wore shorts out in public, I wasn't embarrassed and I didn't care what anyone thought of me. How about a little cheer for progress!!