Sunday, December 27, 2009

The Right Equipment

Over the years I have made many attempts at losing weight, obviously since I am sitting here writing this they did not work. I have enough workout dvd's to make my own library, I have exercise equipment that is now nothing more than a expensive clothes rack, name it I probably have it or have gotten rid of it.

For Christmas I got some more weight loss equipment...BUT why your saying. Trust me this time it is different..I didn't get a new treadmill or weight bench. I got a counter top grill(with removable/washable plates) and two new cooking pans. This is the RIGHT equipment for me. In the past I was always one to workout hard core and not really worry about what I was eating because the amount of time I spent working out was giving me weight loss so it didn't matter to me. Granted, had I paid more attention to what I was eating I would have likely succeeded in some of my trials. Oh well its the past.

I am really excited to use my new equipment to start cooking healthy dinners for myself and family. In the past I never had a plan, so when it came time for dinner I would have a million reasons why I couldn't cook and we should go out..OH I forgot to un-thaw the meat, oh I didn't get to the store..the list goes on and on. But last night I sat down and wrote down about 10 different dinner items along with side dishes and snacks. These things will be what I cook from now on. NO variety you say..well lets put it this way when I was eating out I ate the SAME thing everyday also. So in the end it really doesn't matter to me about variety. I like to have an exact knowledge of what I am cooking. Think back to school and the lunch menu's. Did you sit there all day and wonder WHAT you were having for lunch...NOPE because you knew. I am hoping that the "menu" idea I am going with will also help to take my mind off of food. I won't have to sit all day and think about what I am having for dinner, and then make myself hungry or crave something bad. I will have a PLAN!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Eat This Not That

I borrowed a copy of this book from the library. I have been looking at buying it for over a year now but I just haven't so I found it sitting all lonely on the shelf and grabbed it up. So far some of the choices are obvious but others is like "well that couldwork!!

I have a few more people who have jumped on my weight loss train. Hopefully they don't fall off or abandon ship before we make some real progress.
I have been doing great even weighted in at 5 lbs less that what I had in the previous weigh in. NICE!!

I am hoping to drop another 8lbs. If I do this then I will officially be at the lowest I have weighed in nearly 3 years. AWESOME!! I should probably start tracking my progress some where other than in my handy notebook. Maybe it is time to invest in a nice little ticker for my blog. We shall see.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Looking for Motivation

It seems like I am spending more and more of my time looking for motivation to lose weight. I guess I am looking for motivation in all the wrong places. The only person who can motivate me is me. It gets so hard sometimes. I start and then I stop, I start and stop. The same thing over and over again. I almost would prefer to be secretive about this time. I don't want to go and tell all my friend and family I am trying to lose weight. I don't want to go to them for support. It never works out, they just are not good at it. They love me and care about me I know this, but they are terrible support systems. I need to have someone there to talk to when my day isn't going so well or when I have a slip up with eating. This time around I want to do it without anyone knowing. It seems easier and simpler than the other times.

I have done pretty good so far with eating, which is good. But I am having a terrible time finding motivation to exercise. I am almost debating on if I want to sign up for a class at the school to workout. At least that way I know I have to be there. Which brings me to this question...IF I know I have to bee there, why can't I just trick myself into thinking the same thing and workout for free at home?? The mysteries of life I guess.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The Day the Mirror was Kind

Today has overall been a pretty good day. The mirror that I looked in made me feel a bit skinny, which is a big motivation for me and the scale was kind as well. I have been very careful of what I eat. However, I don't consider myself out of the woods when it comes to eating until I am sleeping soundly in my bed for the night. There are still a few hours left in my day and lets just say this is the prime time for my night time binges.

My eating rampages start simple enough. Something sounds good or something on TV triggers my brain to go in search of a food to quiet the craving. So I do. Like I said it starts out simple enough. But then it just progresses from there like an avalanche coming down the mountain. It is like an event almost you eat and eat and eat, little bits of this and little bits of that until you are stuffed and don't know why. Then you sit down like a winded runner and think WHAT THE HELL just happened. You look around and there are empty plates and bowls scattered about. It is just a mess. I would say I have this happen to me 1 night a week. Usually less when I am "making an effort" to lose weight. The other night my husband was completely shocked, he was like how did you eat all that?? I am sneaky. This is a very bad behavior to get into, it is not funny, in fact it is dangerous. But I am working very hard on not having these binges. The aftermath of them is just disgusting I feel gross, I am stuffed and just feel really shitty about myself. I know why I do it. I made it a point to identify the cause so that I can see the triggers and then focus the energy elsewhere.

So overall, this day as turned out alright. I am still a few hours to go until bed time but I am definitely aware of the problem and will not let it take me down.

Meet Me

So many times I have sat here and wrote this entry. I am a nice person maybe to nice that might be why I am over weight. I constantly put other people's needs before myself, I am done with that. For once in my life I am going to come first. It might sound selfish but if I don't become selfish about this I am never going to change and my health and future depend on that. I am not morbidly obese not by a long shot. In fact if you look at me you might guess I was carrying 40lbs extra on this frame of would be shocked to know that it is more like 90lbs extra. "You carry it so well" that is what they all say. I don't want to "carry it well" I want to not be carrying it at all. I am 27 and have been trying to lose weight now for all of my 20's. I was thin in high school and before that. So I am going to end my 20's on a high note. I will be at my goal weight before my 30th birthday. I plan on doing some even to celebrate my success. I am not sure on the type of even yet maybe Race for the Cure, maybe a half marathon. Something big though something memorable.

This blog is going to be much different than the ones I have or have done in the past. In the past I sugar coated my feelings. I made how I felt seem all happy and sunny, well guess what that isn't the case. Some days I really just feel like kicking something, but rather than putting that down I would bottle it up inside. Not anymore. This is my outlet for those days. I am going to be as real as I can be, this time I need to be able to put exactly how I feel and not worry if my family will see or my friend and think I am some bitchy nut job. This is for me...

Day 1